Audiobook Review: "Fitness Confidential" by Vinnie Tortorich

"Your good intentions have been stolen, and I'm here to help you get 'em back!"

So goes the rally cry of trainer Vinnie Tortorich.  I started this year by re-reading (actually, re-re-reading) of the book, Fitness Confidential: Adventures in the Weight-Loss Game, an immensely entertaining read about his career as a Hollywood trainer, football player, and ultra-marathon cyclist.

This book is one of those success stories from the self-publishing world.  As he tells it in his wildly popular podcast of the same name, Vinnie and his writing partner Dean Lorey (an Emmy-nominated screenwriter) shopped their manuscript to all of the major publishing houses, and kept getting the same rejection note: it's two books, not one.

This is very true.  Anyone looking for a traditional diet and exercise book (what's apparently called a "prescriptive" in the biz), will be disappointed here.  What you do get is a bit of memoir about a life in athletics, a bit of insider tell-all about the scams that pervade the diet industry, and a bit of how to eat and how to exercise -- all told in Vinnie's irreverent, foul-mouthed, wiseguy voice.

Speaking of voice, what I like about the audiobook in particular is that it's narrated by Vinnie himself (yeah, I call him by his first name, and after you listen to his stories, along with his countless digressions from the text about Bruce Springsteen, Rocky Balboa, and Catholic school nuns (the so-called "bonus audio content") you, too, will feel like you know him personally).

Some key takeaways:
  • NSNG, which stands for "No Sugar, No Grains."  Based on his long career training movie stars as well as regular joes, he's found that this simple plan helps reduce fat, boost energy and improve health in pretty much everyone who tries it.
  • Exercise is a very poor way to lose weight.  By his estimate, exercise is only about 5% of the equation.  95% is what goes in your mouth.  Which leads to another Vinnie-ism: Abs are made in the kitchen, not in the gym.
  • Big-box gyms don't actually want you to show up.  Vinnie shows how these gyms make a multi-bazillion dollar business out of selling you airy nothing.
  • And my favorite, "It's not what you do between Christmas and New Year's, it's what you do between New Year's and Christmas."

It's that last nugget of wisdom that prompted me to go back and listen again this week, when I'm recovering from an ASAG (All Sugar, All Grains) holiday season and trying to get back into fitness again.  For me, the holiday season starts in October, on my birthday, and goes through Halloween, Thanksgiving, Judy's birthday, Office Holiday Party Season, Christmas, and New Year's.  (Is it a coincidence that most of our major holidays are during the darkest, coldest months of the year, when we could all use a little boost?  Probably not...).

This year, there were also a couple of weekend trips in there, just to make it real havoc.  On October 22, the boys and I rowed in the Head of the Charles, one of the biggest regattas in the country.  That night, I celebrated our non-loss with a dinner of all-you-can-eat prime rib (and all-I-could-drink Guinness).  So you might say I went from "Beast Mode" into "Feast Mode," and haven't gone back since.  With the New Year, I've decided to re-commit to NSNG.  It helped me lose15 lbs during the rowing season last year, even though I wasn't all that vigilant at it.  Now that I've re-gained 10 of those, I'm ready to get back to it.

The Bottom Line: If you love reading about health and fitness, and you don't mind sophomoric humor, Fitness Confidential is a terrific read.

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