Resistance: The Beast Within
“Are you paralyzed with fear? That’s a good sign. Fear is good. Like
self-doubt, fear is an indicator. Fear tells us what we have to do.
Remember one rule of thumb: the more scared we are of a work or calling,
the more sure we can be that we have to do it.”
-Steven Pressfield, The War of Art
There I was, behind the wheel of the car, idling at the stoplight. Not idling, exactly... engaged in a spirited battle inside my own head. A left turn would send me to my office for a day of work: safe, reliable, work. A right would take me into DC for the AWP (Association of Writing Programs) national conference.
I'd already told my boss about the conference, already received approval from the college. My work calendar was clear. So why the hesitation to just show up?
AWP is the largest conference in the country for writers in the realm of higher education. MFA professors and students, small literary publishers, poets, short story writers, dreamers, lost souls... My kind of people. I think.
In truth, it's been a long while since I've done any literary writing. Work, rowing, guitar, hobbies, and, well, life has gotten in the way. And in truth, I've been perfectly happy to mothball the writerly version of myself while I spend my time on more important things. But the conference happened to be in my hometown this year, and some good friends would be attending, and, well, it just seemed like a good idea at the time (whenever that time was that I'd decided to go).
So I clicked on my audiobook copy of Steven Pressfield's The War of Art. I love this book. It's like Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way, but shot full of testosterone. He says stuff like:
"On the field of the self stand a knight and a dragon. You are the knight. Resistance is the dragon."
I mean, who says that? But somehow, it worked. I was able to see my fear, my hesitation, my procrastination, as another face of the same beast, what he calls Resistance: the malevolent force that wants to keep the artist from creating. Screw it, I decided. This thing would either inspire me or turn me off to writing completely. (In the end, a bit of both). But I wasn't going to let the dragon win this time.
-Steven Pressfield, The War of Art
There I was, behind the wheel of the car, idling at the stoplight. Not idling, exactly... engaged in a spirited battle inside my own head. A left turn would send me to my office for a day of work: safe, reliable, work. A right would take me into DC for the AWP (Association of Writing Programs) national conference.
I'd already told my boss about the conference, already received approval from the college. My work calendar was clear. So why the hesitation to just show up?
AWP is the largest conference in the country for writers in the realm of higher education. MFA professors and students, small literary publishers, poets, short story writers, dreamers, lost souls... My kind of people. I think.
In truth, it's been a long while since I've done any literary writing. Work, rowing, guitar, hobbies, and, well, life has gotten in the way. And in truth, I've been perfectly happy to mothball the writerly version of myself while I spend my time on more important things. But the conference happened to be in my hometown this year, and some good friends would be attending, and, well, it just seemed like a good idea at the time (whenever that time was that I'd decided to go).
So I clicked on my audiobook copy of Steven Pressfield's The War of Art. I love this book. It's like Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way, but shot full of testosterone. He says stuff like:
"On the field of the self stand a knight and a dragon. You are the knight. Resistance is the dragon."
I mean, who says that? But somehow, it worked. I was able to see my fear, my hesitation, my procrastination, as another face of the same beast, what he calls Resistance: the malevolent force that wants to keep the artist from creating. Screw it, I decided. This thing would either inspire me or turn me off to writing completely. (In the end, a bit of both). But I wasn't going to let the dragon win this time.
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